Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Nazi Super Weapons.

You can always make drawings of weird stuff look more plausible by slapping a swastika on them. Below: Nazi Super Weapons from the Berlin Museum of Super-War.

Early Space Suit. The first German space suit, which saw only limited use in the 1943 battle of Lagrange-point 3, was first conceived in a dream by Adolf Hitler. It was designed and built by Daimler-Benz. The robotic extra arms were powerful but limited the maneuverability of the suit. The construction proved vulnerable on the ground during the Soviet taking of an A-6 rocket launch facility,  since soldiers wearing the suits couldn't get up after falling down. This spurred German engineers into developing the more well-known mark-2 suit, which was much lighter and less rigid. The officer in the picture is holding a Space-Luger, the first sidearm functional in hard vaccuum.

Ghost Gun. In a horrible effort to weaponize the spirits of the people the Nazis murdered in concentration camps, the Walther Esoterische HW-1 (Heimsucherwaffe) was born. This curse-gun was used as an anti-aircraft- and anti-tank weapon, since the tormented soul it fired wasn't hindered by armor plating, and only had to be aimed very roughly. The HW was notoriously hard to operate. The instruction manual was written entirely in Latin, and the three candles had to be kept burning at all times. Additionally, the gun weighed about 50 kg. Use of the weapon stopped after the souls turned on the German army at the battle of Murmansk. The last spirit trapped in an HW was set free by Israeli occultists in 1955.

Synthesized relics. Failing to secure more than one genuine relic of Jesus Christ, the Nazis set out to synthesize their own. The occult engineers would walk condemned deserters and the like through an intricately staged faux Passion of Christ, where they would be forced to distribute a last supper, cleanse a temple and so on while reading lines from cue cards. Finally the victim was crucified, pierced by a spear and wrapped in a shroud. The "relics" from each execution were welded together to form a standard that could be carried into battle. The effects of the standards were hard to anticipate, and it is believed that more German soldiers than enemy ones were killed by the relics. After a while this became apparent, and the relic-carrying stopped. The Nazis used the standards to power battleships for the remainder of the war. American scientists have measured the output of the standards to about 5 megachrist of magical energy per second, a far cry from the actual Spear of Destiny which outputs roughly one thousand times that amount.

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